


Family

by Robophonics



Category: Pinky and the Brain
Genre: M/M, takes place after they've retired from trying to take over the world, their parents are in this also, they live in the woods now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29418660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robophonics/pseuds/Robophonics
Summary: Pinky and the Brain's wedding anniversary party is crashed by a very unwelcome guest.
Relationships: Brain/Pinky (Pinky and the Brain)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	Family

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this since I finally read the comics a month ago. I love Dark Pinky so much. Absolutely obsessed with this horrible little mouse. This may be a little incoherent because I wrote it all out of order as ideas came to me, not to mention the many headcanons I managed to fit in, but hopefully it's still possible to follow! I had a bunch of other ideas I didn't get to write in because this was long enough already. Maybe I'll get to do something with them someday.

Brain never knew how Pinky did it, but he had somehow transformed their little hole in a tree into an elaborate mouse-scale dinner party. Ever since they'd moved into the woods, he'd redecorated on a regular basis, but this had to be the most impressive set-up yet.

Brain hadn't even asked for this. All he'd wanted was another quiet day of knitting until it numbed his brain enough to silence the nagging urges towards world domination, but no, it was all "D'you know what day it is, Brain?" this and "Narf! I have so many plans!" that and "Now where did you say your parents lived again?" and...well, here he was. Sitting awkwardly in the corner as Pinky and both their sets of parents milled about, looking far more comfortable than he was in his own home.

"Hey, Dad II. Why the long face?"

And there was their fifth guest.

Brain looked up at his son. "I don't know what you're talking about, Romy. And would you stop calling me 'Dad II'? It sounds ridiculous."

Romy smirked. "Thought the whole 'calling people roman numerals' thing was your idea."

"Well! That may be, but...!" Brain paused to think. "Besides, why am _I_ II? My genetic material went into the machine before Pinky's did!"

"Eugh." Romy made a face. "No one wants to hear about how they were conceived, y'know."

Brain rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes. Anyway, did you need something?"

"Yeah, I was askin' why you're moping around over here. It's like, killing the vibe."

"Heaven forbid," Brain muttered. "I'm simply storing up my emotional energy in order to endure the festivities. I am not used to being around so many other mice at once. It's, well, typically just me and Pinky."

"So...no siblings for me, huh?" Romy's tone was still casual, but there was a faint hint of disappointment.

As if on cue, Brain's sensitive ears picked up Pinky chattering excitedly to Brain's mother about how many more grandchildren she would have. "N-Now, I wouldn't go that far! I am now more capable than ever of stepping up to the task of fatherhood. For instance...!" He scrutinized Romy, allowing all his paternal instincts to come to the surface. Ah, his suit... "That is _not_ how you tie a tie. It's all askew. I thought I taught you how to do that."

Romy did not even look down at his tie, doing a slow clap instead. "Wow! Good job, Dad II! Just like in the movies."

Brain got to his feet. "Yes, well, now it _is_ actually bothering me. Hold still." He reached for the tie and swiftly fixed it.

"Uh, thanks." Romy took a step back. "Looks like I've got you in the right mood now, yeah? I'll be like...over there." He gestured vaguely at the punch bowl (or punch thimble, as it were) and walked off.

Brain awkwardly waved at him and then began to wonder whether he should, in fact, actually participate. It was his own first wedding anniversary, after all. He glanced across the room at Pinky, who met his eyes and smiled brightly. Brain took a step towards the group.

And that was when a blinding flash of light burst through the room.

When Brain's vision cleared, he easily ignored the confused chatter of the guests, because the individual now standing at the entrance blocked everything else from his mind. He was tall for a mouse. He was clad in purple armor. He had triangular cybernetic implants in place of ears.

His face was identical to Pinky's.

"N-No!" Brain felt a horrible pain in his chest. "Not _you_!"

"Yes! It is I! _DARK PINKY!_ " He did a pretentious little flourish with his cape. "I have come to ruin your pitiful domestic happiness! Troz!"

"And me without my spandex costume!" the more familiar Pinky exclaimed.

"How did you get here?!" Brain demanded.

"You do know that crossing universes is child's play for me?" Dark Pinky scoffed. "I can do so whenever I please! It's easier than reading all your puny minds! Like so–" The smirk was instantly wiped from his face. "...E _gad_. All right, I am not doing that again!"

"...Oops!" Pinky said sheepishly. "Probably shouldn't be thinking about that right now, should I! Sorry!"

"I bloody _hope_ you're sorry," Dark Pinky muttered under his breath. He cleared his throat aggressively. "ANYWAY! Zort! Prepare yourselves for torment beyond your wildest imaginations!"

Pinky gasped. "You're going to make us watch _Young Sheldon_?!"

"Oh for fuck's sake, can someone duct tape his mouth?!" Dark Pinky was audibly grinding his teeth together. "Brain, while I hate to ask for _your_ help, I assume, in the endless dysfunctionality of your...relationship, you keep that around?"

"Er, no, actually. I stopped doing that years ago."

"Wait, wait, but we _do_ have a ball gag!" Pinky reminded him ever-so-helpfully. "D'you want me to get it?"

"SHUT UP!" Brain and Dark Pinky yelled at the exact same time.

"...Poit."

"Right, what's all this then?" Pinky's father stepped forward. "I never knew we had twins! Did you know about this, dear?"

"Why, no!" his wife replied. "But I suppose anything can happen these days!"

"I am _not_ that nincompoop's twin," Dark Pinky snapped. "I am him from another timeline in which he developed superior intelligence and took over the world!"

"Sounds an awful lot like a twin to me," said Brain's father.

Dark Pinky slapped his forehead. "It's _completely_ different! Narf!"

"Yeah, he has a point," Romy said as he leaned against the wall. "He doesn't have, like uncle energy to me. He feels more like a third dad."

"I am _not_ anyone's third father! _My_ son knows that I'm his _only_ father!"

Romy shrugged. "Whatever you say, Dad III."

"DO NOT CALL ME–"

He was interrupted by a sudden beeping sound.

"Zort!" Pinky exclaimed. "The turkey is done!"

Brain sighed. "I keep telling you, Pinky, blackbird meat does not qualify as turkey, no matter how skillfully you may prepare it!"

"I'm not a details kind of mouse, Brain!"

– – –

That was how Dark Pinky found himself seated at a dinner table with seven other mice. This was not how things were supposed to be going. There ought to have been at least two deaths right now. Everything was spiraling out of his control, and it made him feel ill.

Worst of all, their happy thoughts were invading his cold, brilliant mind. He could not control his telepathy as well as he pretended to. The inane ponderings of others were an incessant flood, and it only got worse the more people he was surrounded by. This was why he preferred to work alone when possible.

And his counterpart's were, as usual, the most painful. He felt bile rise in the back of his throat at the nauseating joy, the sickly affection. _Oh, I love Brain! He looks so cute right now! I can't believe we've already been married a whole year! We're such a happy family! I'm so excited to have more babies with him! I think I'm going to cry! Narf!_ Egad, what was _wrong_ with this mouse? This went beyond "no accounting for taste". Imagine thinking like that about the ugly, pathetic little egotist!

But on that note, Dark Pinky was dismayed to realize that the only thoughts he could stomach were...Brain's. He was the only one who wasn't happy, instead radiating a satisfying fear. He was fretting endlessly over Dark Pinky's presence, actually taking him seriously. It was almost refreshing to zero in on him. And the more he focused on Brain's mind, the more everyone else's faded in the background.

 _What is he_ doing _here?! Does he intend to harm us?! Why is Pinky serving him food?!_ His audible thoughts then trailed off into a jumble of expletives.

Dark Pinky had to admit, he had a point with that last question. He looked down at the plate of blackbird in front of him. What was the meaning of this, anyway? Was his other self that foolish and forgiving? ...Had _he_ ever been like that? He couldn't remember anymore. He'd lived far too many years for a small mouse's brain to contain, no matter how much of a genius he was. Being constantly flooded with others' memories didn't help in the slightest. When it came right down to it, Dark Pinky couldn't remember most things.

But that wasn't important. It didn't matter what he'd used to be. It mattered what he was now, which was a tyrannical planetary overlord of unfathomable power, currently suffering the indignity of being a guest at a pair of nitwits' wedding anniversary. And now he was even eating the food they were giving him! Which wasn't his fault! His animal instincts had activated and forced him to start shoveling it into his mouth. It had been so long since he'd eaten actual food, and the smell had been irresistible. Only the fear of it being poisoned could've stopped him, and he could tell by reading his counterpart's mind that he'd done nothing of the sort. He would've felt humiliated by the show of vulnerability if he couldn't, again, tell that no one was looking at him.

Now, he needed a plan of action. He hadn't quite developed one of those at any point. He'd just been feeling in a particularly bad mood when he'd sensed a minor inter-dimensional disturbance, and the source of it–this event–had made his vision turn so red that the next thing he knew, he was there to...do something. Crush this undeserved peace of theirs under his heel, some way or another. Yes, that sounded good. Very poetic! Very evil!

He was finally gaining his bearings. He had regrettably forgotten to bring any weaponry with him, and while he was sure that could easily overpower everyone here in hand-to-hand combat, that would be beneath him! This left him with no choice but to use that old standby: psychological warfare. He did so excel at it.

He turned to the mouse to his right. Brain's mother. That made for as good a target as any. "Could you pass the salt?" he asked.

She glanced around the table. "I don't see any salt. Which is disgraceful, now that you mention it! Who doesn't keep salt on their table? I can't imagine what the neighbors say when they visit. I'll have to talk to Pinky about this later."

"No, no, there _is_ salt!" Dark Pinky pointed at a blank spot on the table. "It's riiight there! Poit!"

Brain's mother gave him an incredulous look. "What are you playing at, young man?"

Dark Pinky grit his teeth, putting all his mental power to bear on resisting the urge to say that he'd lived for decades longer than she had. "Look closer," he said instead.

But she didn't look any closer at the table. She just looked closer at him. "Are you all right? Well, you did say you came from another universe. I imagine the jet lag is dreadful! You ought to lie down."

"I don't need to lie down!" Dark Pinky could hear the pitch of his voice rising against his will, and his cockney accent was resurfacing as it often did when he was agitated. No matter how hard he tried, he could never fully replace it with the more refined English accent that better befitted a mouse with his power. "I'm just trying to tell you that–!"

She clamped her hand over his mouth. "Now, now, that's enough! You're going to go get some rest right now before you worry the rest of the family!"

– – –

And _now_ Dark Pinky was in a location even more demeaning than the dinner table: the bed in the small alcove that served as the hosts' private room. This was ridiculous. How had Brain's mother managed to drag him here? His physical strength was unmatched among mice! He worked out every day! He wanted to leave and get back to the main room where he could menace people, but he suspected that she would only shove him back in here until he had "rested enough". Ha!

But maybe he just wasn't thinking evil enough. Maybe this location was ideal for sabotage. It would be easy enough to ruin whatever Brain's latest world domination plan was.

He looked around. There were portraits, but no blueprints. Trinkets, but no gadgets. There were exercise implements, half-finished knitting projects, racks of superfluous clothing, and absolutely nothing that would enable one to take over the world. So the two of them had gone _that_ soft, had they? They couldn't possibly be content with this.

As his narrowed eyes flicked over the happy photographs on the walls, he noticed something out of place. What appeared to be half a button was framed on the wall opposite the bed. Its tacky bright red color clashed with the rest of the room, which just didn't make sense! Surely this Pinky still had his impeccable sense of interior design, if nothing else? Why would he allow...

Wait. A long-dead memory suddenly came to life again in the back of his mind. It was from before his telepathy had manifested, before their relationship had begun to break down beyond repair... Brain's first birthday...

Dark Pinky wrenched the door open immediately and walked out, suddenly desperate to get out of that room. He _couldn't_ think about that. He leaned against the wall in the main room and tried to catch his breath while projecting an aura of nonchalance.

"Ooh, there you are, dear!" His own mother was approaching him. "Desiree told me you weren't feeling well, so I'm glad to see you up and about again!"

"I'm _fine_ , mum," Dark Pinky scoffed. "You're always–" He froze. What was he doing? This wasn't his mother, this was the other Pinky's mother! Certainly, she looked and acted exactly the same, but in this world, she was the enemy. He couldn't let his guard down. Maybe when he got back he could visit his _actual_ parents and they could tell him what a good villain he was being, like they always did. That sounded nice.

"Of course, of course!" the mouse in front of him was saying cheerily. "And my, look at that! You're just in time to help wash up!" She pointed to where Pinky was juggling a tower of dirty dishes.

"In time to _what_? I'm not going to–!" And as he said this, he was already being physically overpowered again and pushed across the room.

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of Pinky, who shoved half the stack of plates into his hand.

"Narf! Thank you, other me!"

"Now, hang on...!" Dark Pinky struggled to keep his balance for a moment, but soon he was able to stabilize the stack. Then he wondered why he'd bothered. He should just drop these on the floor, really.

"The sink's right over here!" Pinky walked over to a basin filled with water and placed the dishes in. "We have to wash them by hand. I keep telling Brain to build a dishwasher, but he never gets around to it! Honestly!"

Without really thinking about it, Dark Pinky followed his lead and placed the others in as well. Busy trying to formulate a plan to get out of this, he couldn't come up with anything to say and simply made a vague noise of irritation.

Pinky turned to him. "D'you remember how to do this? If you're me you certainly used to know, but you could be out of practice!"

"Of _course_ I know! I know everything!" Dark Pinky grabbed a nearby sponge and began to scrub a dish furiously.

"Oh good! It's nice to see that some things don't change! Zort!"

Dark Pinky made a second vague noise of irritation as Pinky joined him in the chore and continued to prattle on.

"I just wish Sis could've been here today," he was saying. "But she's so busy lately, you know!"

Dark Pinky had wondered where she was, not having been able to spot her distinct cylindrical form anywhere in the room. It wasn't like her to miss an event like this. He resisted the urge to ask what she was busy doing. He didn't care. He knew his own sister was waiting for him in her room in his tower. He often took her with him on his missions. She, well, didn't exactly do much–she wasn't the best at being evil–but she made for excellent moral support.

They washed the dishes in silence for a time, their motions perfectly mirroring each other's.

They were almost done when Pinky began humming a tune. It was a familiar tune, and the lyrics appeared unbidden in Dark Pinky's mind.

_Now you may be a mouse who thinks that life isn't fair_

_You get up in the wheel but you don't go anywhere..._

A horribly unpleasant emotion snapped Dark Pinky out of whatever trance he was in. _What_ was he _doing_? This wasn't him anymore! He threw the plate he was holding and smashed it against the wall.

Pinky stopped short. He looked at the shattered remains of the plate and then at Dark Pinky. He sighed. "So it looks like we're gonna need to have a little talk after all. And here I thought we could end this nicely!"

"What are you talking about _now_?" Dark Pinky asked irritably, doing his best not to find out the answer on his own. He wanted to stay out of that mind if he could possibly help it.

"About you! The way you're acting!" Pinky put his hands on his hips. "I've had enough of you sulking around here, being all mean and grumpy! I worked _very_ hard planning this day, and just look at it now!"

Dark Pinky looked. Everything seemed as saccharine as ever. "I can't say I see the problem! Narf!"

"Oh yes you can!" Pinky pointed emphatically at the corner where Brain was sitting miserably.

"What? He's...acting like Brain?" Dark Pinky scoffed. "Well that's what you decided to marry isn't it? You pay what you ge... Uh... I mean...you forget when you paid... No, no!" Goddammit. How did the phrase go again? All this power and still he did this! He forced an evil laugh. "You deserve this because your taste is rubbish! Ha!"

Pinky clearly had no trouble following this. "Mhm. You still don't get it, do you." His tone was infuriating. It bordered on, of all things, _pity_. "I know _you_ let _your_ Brain die before he ever got a chance to be happy. But _mine_ was going to have a _lovely_ day! Oh, he'd act like it was a bother, but in the end he'd know that we were all a family, and that he had people who loved him! But _you_!" He jabbed a finger into Dark Pinky's chest. " _You_ ruined it!"

Dark Pinky couldn't stand to hear much more of this. "Ugh, spare me! Zort! I've had bloody well enough of you fawning over him! You don't want me to hurl all over your nice clean floor, do you?" He tapped his foot against the gleaming wood emphatically.

"Now there you go again!" Pinky gave an exaggerated sigh. "Acting like a petulant child! Making everyone else feel bad, just because you're jealous!"

Dark Pinky's mouth dropped open. He took a moment to regain his bearings. "J- _Jealous_...?!" He burst into a short fit of hysterical laughter. "JEALOUS?!" He caught his breath. "Narf! Now _that's_ funny! What in this room could I _possibly_ have to be jealous of?"

"Why, me, of course!" Pinky replied simply. "Or my life, rather! I have a husband and a nice little house and lots of friends and what do you have, hm?"

"Total control of the planet."

Pinky was, for some unfathomable reason, smiling. "But that doesn't make you happy, does it."

"W-Well, I...!" Dark Pinky was feeling rather like he had the first time he'd met this Pinky and read his mind. "What do _you_ know?! You're just a stupid little ordinary mouse living in the middle of nowhere!"

"Yes!" Pinky replied brightly. "And I'm also you! Troz!"

Dark Pinky didn't have a retort for this. He didn't have much of anything for this. In his agitation, his mental wall was breaking down, and Pinky's mind was creeping into his own. He tried to block them off, focus on someone else, but the thoughts only kept coming, wordless and blinding thoughts that scrabbled at his cold heart until they unearthed a tiny core of loneliness.

He couldn't take it. He had to get away from this. He turned tail and bolted out the door, not thinking of anything but putting as much distance as possible between himself and Pinky. The sound of twigs cracking beneath his boots reverberated in his skull as he ran, and he swallowed a lump in his throat.

Enough was enough. He was going home. But mark his words: someday he'd be back, and _then_ they'd all see.

– – –

Brain was startled out of his spiral of grim thoughts by the sudden feeling of a hand on his shoulder. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed when he looked up and saw that it was only Pinky–his Pinky, to be exact.

"Hello!" He flopped down onto the couch beside him. "Narf! So, Brain, did you think the turkey was okay? I worry I may've overcooked it a bit!"

"...What?" It took Brain a moment to even remember dinner. Time had been moving so slowly. Had it really only been an hour? "Oh, well, I thought it was...fine! Excellent work as always, Pinky." He didn't have the energy to correct him on the type of bird again.

"Aww, thank you!" Pinky affectionately ruffled the fur on his head.

Brain felt at once both irritated and soothed by this. But he couldn't relax too much, not while Dark Pinky was... He looked around the room. Where _was_ he? This didn't bode well. He should never have let him out of his sight! Who knew what he could be getting up to now? "Wait, Pinky, do you know where your other self went?" he asked urgently. "It is imperative that we keep track of him!"

"Oh, what, him?" Pinky did not look concerned at all. "He left! Went back to his own universe, I think."

"...Just like that? That can't possibly be right! Surely he's only hiding somewhere! He must be planning something!"

"No, no, trust me, Brain!" Pinky put an arm around his shoulders. "He's gone! And he won't be coming back for a while if I know him! Which I most certainly do, because I _am_ him!" He laughed.

The utter confidence Pinky was exuding told Brain that he must be serious about this. He tried to quell his anxieties. It would only be right to trust him. "Well... If you're sure... What exactly happened?"

"I told him he was being rude! So he left!"

"That's all?" Brain turned to look at him in surprise. "He left just because of that?"

"Mhm!" Pinky nodded. "If there's one thing about me that doesn't change, it's that I can _always_ tell when I'm not wanted! Poit!"

This was strange. Brain had a strong instinct that he was missing something here. But then again, perhaps...

Perhaps it was something you had to be Pinky to understand.


End file.
